Red Hook Crit is this Saturday. People are schvitzing about crashing. Becca has the answers, paired with the weird and wonderful photography of Izzy Cohan.
I registered for the women’s race at Red Hook Crit, but now I’m afraid of crashing, what should I do?
Hmm. Well I guess I have to ask: Before this question came to you, did you have a fear of showering because one time you slipped and fell, and while trying to stand back up, slipped again, and in an attempt to regain your balance reached for the nearest object, which happened to be a plugged in hairdryer, which you accidentally powered on, and proceeded to drop into the wet shower, and in a series of events straight out of the movie “Final Destination” ended up electrocuting yourself, but not dying, and now death has been chasing you around, and you have a fear of almost every basic life event, especially, but not confined to crossing at an intersection when the hand is blinking, eating yogurt for lunch that you forgot to put in the fridge when you arrived at work and hence has been sitting out for 2.5 hours, and every 13th day of the month? And now, faced with the idea of Red Hook Crit, do you believe this is where death will finally be victorious?
If this above scenario applies to you, I would say, race. What better way to go out than at the Red Hook Crit. Death is coming for you, so make sure it gets you in a great place. But honestly, you're more likely to get caught in a post Red Hook Crit mob, your toes trampled upon, while you take an accidental blow to the face by a cheering Red Hook spectator, resulting in a bloody nose that may or may not need surgery, which could also be used to your advantage if you always secretly wanted to a nose job, than crash at Red Hook.